I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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