Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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