Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
