9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
