I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Dick very happy bro
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
