Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
