Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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