Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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