Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
