your thong is hanging out like whoa
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize