I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
