BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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