i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
