Do you still have your period?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
