Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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