i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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