remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
