Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
