Jerry, you need to find god
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
