So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
