Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
