Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
