Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
