I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
