Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
