I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
