I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize