used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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