Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize