I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
