just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
