I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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