his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize