Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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