My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
