Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Farmville is her only friend.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
