Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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