I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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