Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My penis needs a shock collar
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
