Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize