i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
