I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
