You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
