Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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