He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize