I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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