ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
