so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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