help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
