new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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