But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
