i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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