Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
