We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
