So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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