Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
