White coat. Heels.
Do vagina's smell?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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