When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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