She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
