Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
