Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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