Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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