xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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