I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
