I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize