my vag is so smooth its legendary
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
