Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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