No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Success! We fucked roommates!
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