so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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