Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
