i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Randomize
