you're like a bully in the Christmas story
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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