Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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