Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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