i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
